A Letter To All The Girls Who Think He Means It When He Says "Sorry"
*original blog article found here*
Actions will always speak louder than words.
It's a Friday night. You and your boyfriend have just gotten home from a party and he has had too much to drink. Again. He's stumbling and slurring his words and you're trying to help him into his room, even though he is calling you a slut or a bitch or a whore for the 10th time tonight. But he's just had too much to drink. He doesn't mean it, right? I mean, he's nice to you in the morning. He always says sorry. Sometimes he even goes out of his way to buy you flowers or send you a cute text in the morning to apologize for his actions. He didn't mean the things he said, he just had too much to drink.
A month goes by and it's a Friday night again. Your boyfriend has had a little too much to drink. He starts calling you a slut, a bitch, and a whore all over again. But you're so used to it now that it doesn't even phase you. I mean, he loves you, he just doesn't know what he's saying because he's had a little too much to drink. It's not like he hits you or anything. He's just in a bad mood when he drinks.
Except this time when as you're trying to help him into his room he slaps you for getting in his way. You now have a bruise on your face. But he didn't mean it, right? He just had too much to drink. He assures you the next morning about how sorry he is. He lets you know that it won't happen again. He even goes out to buy you a new necklace. So you don't mind lying to your friends about the bruise because your boyfriend isn't actually a bad guy... He just slipped up again. It was actually your fault because if you wouldn't be such a screw up, then maybe he wouldn't feel like he has to treat you this way.
A few weeks go by, and it's Friday night again. You meet your boyfriend at the bar and you see him and this other girl all over each other. You confront him about it because it hurt your feelings, and he gets aggressive. He calls you names and pushes you around a little. You still help him get home afterwards. I mean, it was none of your business, right? Maybe if you were a better girlfriend, he wouldn't have to flirt with other girls. You tell yourself that you will try better next time. You've got this new concealer to help cover the bruise he gave you this time. Nobody will ever be able to tell.
By this point, you have zero self esteem left. You are an empty shell of what you once were. But you get up every morning and make sure your makeup is just right to impress him because maybe if you do better, maybe he will be nicer to you. You don't eat anymore because you're worried that he might not find you attractive if you gain any weight. He forces you to have sex with him. You just go along with it though, because you know it's your duty because you're his girlfriend. You are working 40 hours a week so that you can afford to buy his cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, etc. Because of working so much, your grades are slipping. You blew off your friends for the 3rd time this week because you had to take care of your boyfriend because he was drunk. And because he tells you that you don't need anyone but him. Your family starts to worry about you, but you cut them off, too. He gets angry when he feels as though you don't give him all of your attention. But it's not always bad. Sometimes he tells you how pretty you are and how much he cares about you, and that's why he's so protective. You have had really good times together. I mean, you've been together for so long. But the words become more harsh, and the beatings become more brutal.
But he loves you, right?
If you are reading this article and you related to any of this, it is your time. What is happening to you is wrong. He does not love you. He does not care about you. He does not value you. He does not respect you. He does not even see you as a human being. You are only there for him when it is convenient for him. You're saying to yourself, "But he has never actually hit me", so I'm not actually being abused. Wrong. Verbal, emotion, and sexual abuse are just as traumatizing as physical abuse. And yes, it is ABUSE. Although drinking is often times involved, it is not always. You need to get out of this relationship. You must seek help. If you let this go on, this will be all you have to look forward to for the rest of your life. There is so much more to life than what you have been experiencing. If it is safe for you to leave, then please leave. Call your parents or your friends. Tell them you need someone to lean on right now. If you don't have anyone to turn to, or are too afraid to leave, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It is a domestic violence hotline. They will get you the help that you deserve.
Free yourself. You are worth so much more.
Someone who actually cares.