Survivor Sunshine Shawn

I️ was 17 when I got in a relationship with someone who I️ thought I️ would spend forever with. From the beginning I️ was brainwashed. I️ was told that only whores wore lipstick, and that was a sign that they did oral acts on anyone. Some may call me lame for believing that but I️ grew up not wearing finger nail polish and wearing dresses when I️ lived with my grandma. Women didn’t wear pants is what I️ was taught. I️ was mentally abused and later on physically abused. I️ had my second child at 18 from this abuser. I️ was only allowed to go to church which was my sanctuary. I️ was cut off from my family and wasn’t allowed to see anyone. My cousin would come over as well as my aunt to check on me regularly, and they would beg me to leave him but I️ thought this was how a man loves you. I️ cooked 3 times a day, cleaned the house and worked. I️ was a step mom to 3 kids before I️ was 19. The abuse started off as verbal abuse but quickly turned into physical abuse. I️ was not allowed to look at another man or face his direction. I️ was beaten if he was in a bad mood. He had outside children and when I️ said something about it I was beaten. I️ begged this man for many years to love only me. By then I had 3 kids from him and one from a previous relationship. I️ was not allowed to contact my daughter father for any reason or I️ would get beaten. I️ went to the hospital many times over the years and I️ covered up the abuse because he always said he was sorry and he would never do it again. I️ was beaten with extention cords, choked and locked in the room for days at a time. I️ was young and naive but it was a pattern that I was use to. My mom was a survivor so then again I️ thought this is how a man loves you. I️ finally got it in my head after I️ met real people at my job site who was really concerned about my well being. I left him for months, but eventually I️ went back until he almost killed me. I️ was hit in the head with a gun and passed out. When I️ woke up I️ left and never went back. It’s a lot more I️ went through, this is just a short version. Just know..... you are worth more to yourself and when you finally love yourself you won’t allow anyone to abuse you in any kind of way. I️ now have a life time restraining order on him but since I’ve grown mentally I️ can finally stand up to him and say you did me wrong.