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Survivor Spotlight Jessica Marie

I just wanted to say thank you for your work. You're giving survivors a voice and strength to find their purpose. I am a survivor of domestic abuse. For 2.5 years i suffered every day - from emotional, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse - at the hands of my then fiance. I was always making excuses for him and would often feel guilty, thinking that i was the cause of all his problems and that I was the one who needed help. I became terrified of everyone and everything. My family meant everything to me, but he had manipulated me into thinking everyone was out to get me and wanted to control me. I secluded myself from my friends and family, became very paranoid, and ultimately feared others presence (for fear someone may anger my fiance who would then take it out on me "behind closed doors"). I was terrified to live at home. I was terrified of my own bedroom. My closet became my safe space. Many nights i would lock myself in the closet to hide from him and wouldnt resurface until the following morning. I had suffered from depression for the past 13 years, which He knew. He used that against me. I had become suicidal (again) and wanted nothing more than to die, because even thinking of leaving him terrified the hell out of me. I was forced to call the police and have him arrested when he tried to take my life. That might and the months that followed were a complete blur - all I can recall is the dispatcher repeatedly telling me It was okay, the police are on their way, remain on the line, and to stay hidden until the police got there, detectives (there was 6) taking him in handcuffs, showing the detectives my room - to which one detective said "oh my God" under his breathe because the amount of blood and how badly my room was in shambles, and watching him being taken away. That night was the scariest night I ever experienced. I was do alone. Even though i had my parents with me, I felt so alone. I felt so ashamed. All i wanted was to just die. I couldn't bear the thought of facing my family. Thankfully, I had the support of my family. I've been in therapy for 2 years yet i still suffer. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety, panic disorder, and major depressive disorder (which I already had but obviously gotten worse).  I am so thankful for organizations such as yours to help empower women who have experienced trauma, and who may feel alone. Were not alone, we have each other, and we have God to protect us. Thank you. So much.

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